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mommyhood update

2011-11-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's October, the air is crisp and the Autumn breeze whispers it's time for warm fuzzy Fall. Sitting in Panera for the first time in months, relishing this moment to breath and realize where I'm at and what amazing things I'm experiencing. Steve & I are busy as ever, but I don't want to miss moments and memories because I'm too busy to stop and be grateful.

Dassah turned 2 years old in August. She had her first real trick-or-treating adventure last night. The conversations are never boring and always intriguing with a 2-year-old personality powerhouse like her. She loves reading books, coloring, painting, learning her ABC's, helping me cook and bake, singing and dancing along to "kid's music", watching and memorizing Dora shows, playing with her friends, going for walks to the park, finding treasures like leaves and acorns and pinecones, watching animals, and playing mommy or big sister as she pushes her dolls in the stroller and buckles them up. She loves life and I love life with her.

Abraham Davis Flores, our son, is currently living large inside my tummy and due to make his grand entrance in March 2012. Dassah is very aware and reminds me often that my tummy is getting really big. She's generous with her belly hugs and kisses, and talks about her baby brother everyday. Her interest in other babies has grown tremendously and she can hardly keep her hands off them. We're currently learning to softly touch only heads and feet...no touching hands or poking eyeballs. Pregnancy with Abraham has been so different than with Dassah. I feel like a full blown pregnant woman with hormones raging, acne, body odor (sorry, but it's true), extra fast growing leg hairs, sassy pants, and straight up bigness. Frequently, I find myself thanking God that I'm a woman. If this is what being loaded with testosterone feels like, then more power to you boys!

Although the puking has subsided, Dassah asks me almost daily if I'm going to puke. All pregnancy body issues aside, I'm super excited about boy life and life with two little people in our family. I can't express how humbled I am at the reality that God has given me the opportunity to me a mommy again. I can only imagine at this point how challenging this journey will be, but I'm confident in God's ability to give the wisdom and grace I need every moment of each day. I don't pretend to be super mom or do everything right. I'm so completely dependent on God to help me love, guide, teach, and give my children what they need. Thankfully I don't have to pretend, but I can openly admit my weaknesses and trust He is strong.

More to come - here's a few pictures of Dassah lately...

Papi's tie

basketball star

at Papa's in Fox, blending in with the deer hunters

riding her pumpkin

Dass's idea of dress up

October weekend at Nana & Papa's

Halloween 2011

proudly announcing...

mommy & dass

cheesing :)

"I'm a cowboy"...she insist on it being a cowboy, not a cowgirl

definitely got the cake thing down this year

Ita & Ampa in August

kangaroo Papi

4-wheeler riding in Fox

on the bouncy @ her 2nd birthday party

washing dishes with mommy on her stool her Papa made

she's starting to ride her tricycle all by herself!

practicing expressions...pretty sure this one's surprised

hayride @ the pumpkin patch

I'm a big girl now!

Matthew Journey

2011-11-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

Almost 2 years ago, my husband Steve began a journey through the red letters of the Bible. Soon after he began in Matthew, I jumped on the quest to discover Jesus with him. Reading the Bible suddenly became a completely different experience than my past Bible readings. Jesus' words were coming alive to me. I truly felt like He was speaking directly to me when he spoke instructions and shared His perspective on living life and loving people. No longer did I view His words as idealistic or just great suggestions. I knew He meant them. And I knew I couldn't go on with life as I knew it. I realized I was either ignoring Him or was so consumed with my ideas of "normal" or "typical" living that His ways seemed radical, and surely that didn't apply to me...right? After an entire year of reading this single book I flipped back through Matthew to get a general perspective of the major learning moments I'd experienced. These are some of my bigger Matthew moments and how they have challenged me and changed my life.

·         The concept of obedience began with Jesus’ birth when Joseph agreed to obey in the middle of an embarrassing miracle. The wise men followed in blind faith. The disciples blindly left life as they knew it and followed this radical Jesus guy. Even Satan obeys Jesus. So, I’ve had to ask myself why I’m not obeying His commands. Why am I not following His example? There’s no neutral – you either follow or you don’t.

·         Learning the character and actions of Jesus has given me a better idea of His heart. The importance of what’s in the heart is emphasized over and over in Matthew. Switching the focus from the outside, not-so-important things, to the inside is big.

·         As I’m learning about Jesus’ actions and discovering His heart, my desire to follow him – literally follow His lead, do what He did – has grown tremendously. Jesus was aware of those around Him. He stopped and noticed people, and he did something about meeting their needs. He considered the person next to him His family. He was inclusive. He had compassion on people when He was tired/worn out/hungry/needed rest. I’m constantly challenged to put myself last and others first like He did. He gave His life away. I am challenged to spend my life giving it away. I want our children as well as everyone who’s watching me to see and know Jesus love because of the way I give/live.

·         Outside the norm. Jesus ideas are usually outside the everyday culture’s idea of normal. Obeying Him probably won't be normal to everyone else…even church people. The process and hope to adopt another child, Steve going to grad school, and other recent decisions in our lives haven't made sense to onlookers, but it's been part of the adventure Jesus had led us on. The sound of His voice speaking is louder than any critic when You're following Jesus' heart.

·         Jesus desired to be trusted. Faith/believing Him matters to Him and makes a difference. I don’t have a choice to doubt. Jesus said, “Don’t doubt, only believe.” Why haven’t I listened to Him until now? What have I worries and stresses could I have traded for peace?

In a nutshell: I'm challenged to follow Jesus. Obey Him. Trust Him. Be Him to the people I touch.

I'm praying for you to experience Jesus' words in a fresh, transformational way.

Wake Up!

2011-05-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

The more I read about staying awake, the more I struggle getting up in the morning! I think my body is fighting.

So it was perfect timing to be reading Mark 13 when Harold Camping was predicting the world was going to end May 21^st, 2010. Mark 13:32 says no one knows, not the angels, not even Jesus. I’m not sure what caused this man to believe something Jesus clearly told us we couldn’t know. I do know that Jesus didn’t spend a lot of time speculating the date or time, but immediately went into teaching mode. “Be on guard, keep awake. You don’t know when the time will come.” He ends the passage with the words “Stay awake”. I’m pretty sure the message was clear. Don’t get caught sleeping, stay awake and alert. We obviously have to sleep to take care of our bodies, but could Jesus have been talking about our attitudes or state of mind? I’m pretty sure I turn off my brain and my heart and go into autopilot fairly often, walking around doing and not really being in the moment.

In the very next chapter, three of Jesus’ closes disciples fell asleep after He took them to pray with Him before He was crucified. They didn’t grab a Starbucks, splash their face with water or smack their cheeks until they snapped out of their sleepy fog-they fell asleep two more times! Jesus seemed disappointed – “Could you not watch one hour?” Really, I ask you for one hour to pray with me until I give my life for you and you can’t stay awake? His next words weren’t scolding or frustrated, but again He went into teaching mode. “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Guys I don’t know if you get it, but if you aren’t awake, you’re going to fall. You’re going to give in to temptation. You’re going to miss something. You’re going to wonder where opportunities went.

God of my time and my every breath – Wake me up! This is it. Help me see every breath I breathe as an opportunity, given for that specific moment. Help me use it for what matters. Open my sleep eyes to see hurting people, lost people, people who are sleep walking through life.

Ransom

2011-04-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Ever seen the movie Taken? If you haven't, I definitely recommend it if you like suspense. If you have, you'll remember this line:

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Liam Neeson plays a father who stops life as he knows and pours every ounce of energy and resources into ransoming his daughter. I can imagine the all out energy and passion I would give to rescue my own daughter, Dassah. When it comes to her it's all on the table. I'd give everything I have.
For the past few months I've been creeping through the book of Mark. I'm familiar with church lingo, but words like sacrifice, surrender, be last, serve, go, sell, and give have been jumping off the page and slapping me in the face as if I've never heard of them before. As Jesus traveled and literally gave his life away, he constantly taught his followers how central the concept of laying down your life is to following him. When the crowd was hungry and there wasn't enough food, Jesus asked the disciples to give what they had. When the young, rich guy asked Jesus how to live forever, Jesus asked him to go, sell, and give. When James and John wanted the place of honor at Jesus' side in Heaven, Jesus told them that to be great you must become a servant. "Even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."(Mark 10:25-45)
Jesus passionately gave his life to rescue humanity, to free me. My hope is to learn from him.
Jesus, help me do life like you did - to give myself away, become a slave and servant to others, give all I have and leave nothing left. Make me a ransom for people trapped without You.

the Bold & the Beautiful

2011-03-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

So I obviously took a break from the book of Daniel. I don't want to forget the imprint it's made in my heart and mind, so here's the short version of Daniel 4:

King Nebuchadnezzar had a 2nd dream. Again he sought out Daniel, having confidence in abilities because he recognized that the spirit of the holy gods was in him. Daniel was internally messed up about the dream's interpretation, yet still chose to boldly share it with the king. The message wasn't warm and fuzzy, and I can only imagine how intimidating it must have been to tell your leader that their kingdom, their very life was headed for failure unless they accepted the one true God. Check out his advice:
²⁷ Therefore, Your Majesty, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue.”
Wait a minute...rewind. Isn't that the truth? Life is crummy when I try to do things my way. Why is it so intimidating to share? I regret to admit how difficult that would be for me. Daniel communicated his message with sincere love and concern. He cared about this guy. If Daniel was obedient enough to call out a king's wicked ways and ask him to repent, why am I so afraid to share truth with my friends, coworkers, and neighbors-people that I truly care about. What do I have to lose? What breaks my heart is that I haven't thought of others first and considered what they have to lose.
Lord, make me sensitive to where others are at. Help me meet them there. Please give me boldness to communicate concern and truth when You nudge me. I give You my fear of rejection and my ugly pride-use me.
By the way,check out the ending - God gave Daniel boldness to write a beautiful story so we could understand the difference obedience makes.

A Beautiful Mess

2011-02-20T12:22:00.001-08:00

Picture an 18 month old little girl with bouncy brown curls digging both hands into the dirt and emphatically saying "Mess!" as she admires her now brown hands. That's right, Dassah loves going to the park, sliding down the slide, examining the mulch dirt mixture at the bottom, and digging in. Part of me wants to say, "No, honey. That's dirty!" while the other part of me wants to let her figure it out and let her discover her world. After all, I recall making plenty of mud pies and playing in a mound of sand sprinkled with cow patties when I was a kid. (I still don't know why we had a sand pile in our backyard, nor do I know why there was cow manure in it!) I'm all for hands on living and learning.
Dassah loves to sing the clean up song, and we're working on the "everybody do your share" part. She loves to pick up a bin of blocks, dump them on top of her head, and then shout, "Oh no! Mess!" Sometimes I walk into the living room only to find her painting her table with orange juice after discovering how to make a spill-proof sippy cup spill. Needless to say, Dassah likes to make messes.
Jesus was cool with messes. In Mark 7, the Pharisees raised a stink because the disciples were eating with dirty hands. Disclaimer: I am an advocate for frequent and thorough hand washing. Jesus' eyes weren't looking at their hands, He was looking at their heart. These disciple guys had been following Jesus all over the place, from boat to land and back, serving Him and the people. They probably didn't have the best toiletries or facilities available. When the Pharisees criticized the disciples for disobeying the law and eating with dirty hands, Jesus challenged them with the Bible. He pointed out how they had selectively chosen which commands to obey. Wow, talk about feeling small. Their focus was fixed on finding rule breakers and judging others, not finding the needy and loving others. Jesus finished the statement with, "You do a lot of things like this." He was addressing a pattern. I wonder how many traditions or culture norms have become commandments in my mind. Is it a mind-set of entitlement to "my time" or how much of a financial safety net our family needs or what kind of people our children should be exposed to?
The disciples got their hands dirty. Their lives were a mess with completely unstable living situations, unemployment, and mastering the "rough around the edges" look. They were both hands deep into literally following Jesus, sailing from shore to shore, feeding the hungry, bringing the Healer to the sick. I think Jesus seen their dirty hands and seen beauty in the mess.

Jesus, as I read Your word and learn Your heart, erase my commandments and reboot my mind to think like You. When an opportunity looks too messy to get involved or too far away from society's norm, give me Your eyes. The reality is that we all have messy lives. Thank You for your grace that turns "Mess!" into beautiful opportunities. I don't want to go through this life keeping my hands clean. Use them. I want to get them dirty.

Storytelling: The Three Amigos

2011-02-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I sat beside Dassah's bed, stroked her forehead, and told her a bedtime story. We've recently adapted our routine and I've been exploring new ways to connect with and comfort her. Praying with her has been a constant from day one, but storytelling was new for us last night. Last night's story will never be published, and even I was bored with it. Although Dassah may not have minded a silly story about a teddy bear who loved honey (original, I know) you can bet it'll be more creative tonight!
Speaking of stories, I'm picking up in Daniel 3 with the infamous story of the fiery furnace.
Stay faithful and keep loving God with your life when it's not the norm or even when it's frowned upon. Daniel's friends (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) didn't hesitate to tell the king they would not be serving his gods/idols. Not only did they refuse, they spoke with complete confidence saying that their God would rescue them from a burning furnace! The Bible doesn't hint at a hesitation or timid expression. What would this story look like if Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego hadn't been so confident and let questions like "What if God doesn't rescue us and we die looking like fools?" rule their response. Would they have betrayed God and bowed? If so, the story of the fiery furnace wouldn't exist. Our Creator is the best author ever. He has stories to write in my life, in your life. Why in the heck would I settle for my story when God of the universe wants to write my life story?
Faithful...regardless. These guys were in this serving God thing all the way. They told the king they would never bow to his gods, even if their God chose not to deliver them. The furnace was heated 7X it's usual temperature! We're not talking about being unpopular or talked about, we're talking about burning alive. Wow! It takes faith to boast about God. Confidence and trust is built in an every day relationship. I want to resist the temptation to grab the pencil and make up a safe story when it looks like the next chapter is scary.
Least likely worshiper. Ultimately an angel showed up in the furnace with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Their once bound hands were free and they walked out of the furnace without even the smell of smoke! The once idol worshiping king recognized the power of God and loudly worshiped the Most High. Had the three not taken the risk of staying faithful to God, would King Nebuchadnezzar have ever seen the power of God and acknowledged Him? My story and your story matters. My decisions touch everyone around me. Lord, let me live every day with eyes that notice others, ears that recognize Your voice, and a heart ready to step into Your story.

My Reward - Kristian Stanfill

2011-02-03T14:33:00.000-08:00

I give my life again, every breath I have
For you are my reward
Jesus, take my life, a sacrifice
All I have is yours, all I have is yours

You are my reward, all I'm living for
I surrender all my life to you
All consuming Fire, you are my desire
No one else but you, I surrender all my life to you
All to you, my Jesus

Jesus, here I am with open hands
lifted high to you
could my heart contain all your love for me?
You're all I need to know, You're all I need to know

Oh, nothing compares to knowing you
nothing compares to loving you
I'm giving my life to follow you, my King

A Bodybuilder's Diet

2011-01-25T19:15:00.000-08:00

I’ve chosen to learn about Daniel for the next couple weeks after deciding to do a “Daniel Fast” (I figured it was silly to Daniel fast if I couldn't even remember reading the book), so I’ll be journaling and blogging through the book as I go.

Lesson 1: When we make a move in confidence and faith, God responds. Daniel wasn’t afraid to try things, to step out and do something that he wasn’t capable of on his own.

chapter one Daniel challenged the king’s steward to replace his meals with veggies and water for 10 days. The steward was afraid he'd get in trouble when the king noticed Daniel's weight loss. At the end of the trial, Daniel actually looked healthier and meatier than the guys eating the king’s rich food. If anyone’s ever tried to bulk up or gain muscle, you probably didn’t jump on the veggies and water diet. It didn't make sense physiologically, but it was an action based on Daniel’s decision to set himself apart and commit himself to God. God ultimately honored it.
With a couple minor modifications I modeled my fast after Daniel's. I admit I'm counting the days and dreaming about all kinds of crazy food, but I'm learning a lot and look forward to the next couple weeks.

chapter two: When no one could interpret the king’s troubling dreams, Daniel stepped up to the guard ordered to kill him and put God on the spot. Daniel tactfully asked for an appointment at the palace to interpret the king’s dreams. You picture the guy in the movies with a gun to his head, begging he’ll do anything not to die. Daniel stepped out on a limb and trusted God to give him the interpretation. He didn’t rely on his own stored-up power or ability. Instead, he ran home and asked his friends to seek God - the God-show-up-or-we-die kind of prayer. He needed an answer only God could deliver. God showed up. Daniel worshiped God and gave Him all the credit. I'm challenged by Daniels gutsy faith and literal dependence on God. He didn't hesitate to jump out and trust God to do something crazy, something seemingly impossible to everyone else.

Takeaway: When I see opportunity to impact a life or be a part of a God-given dream that seems impossible or out of my league, remember Daniel's faith and dependence on God. Give Him the opportunity to do what I cannot.

jacked up plans, ulterior motives

2011-01-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like you pick up a book and God starts talking? Finishing books is a goal of mine. I tend to start a few and never finish them, going on to the next exciting read. In efforts to finish Wild Goose Chase, I had one of those moments today. So, I've got some relieving news if you're in the middle of a tough decision or if your plans aren't making any sense. You ready? Here it is: you can plan all you want, but God always has ulterior motives and ultimately directs your life. Read it in Proverbs 16:9 . Heard it before, I know, but but have you really listened or lived like you believe it? If you're plans are all jacked up or you're in the middle of confusing direction, these words taken directly from the book are comforting.
"...disorientation develops our dependence upon God. And it is our dependence upon God, not our best-laid plans, that will get us where God wants us to go."
"God begins new chapters in our lives via disorientation."
Ask yourself: Am I more concerned about knowing God's will than I am knowing God? If you're like me, you want to know the where, when, how, and why about everything, making sure you're stepping in the right footprints. Mark Batterson said this, "Getting where God wants me to go isn't nearly as important as becoming who God wants me to be in the process."
"It is the process and not the end, which is glorifying to God."
Focusing on Him and who He created you to be is what He's concerned about. Bottom line: If you're seeking God, your future becomes His responsibility.

Keep Your Fork!

2010-12-28T18:06:00.000-08:00

I said goodbye to a friend today. Someone I’ve worked with for the past 4 years is dying with cancer. The time has flown by since the time she received the diagnosis…at least for me. Little reminders of my friend have kept tugging at me the last few months, like the way she always bought huge packs of gum at Sam’s even though she didn’t chew gum. She knew everyone at work looked forward to opening the cabinet and seeing what new flavors she had brought. Every Christmas she gave away dozens of handmade ornaments to everyone, each of them unique and beautiful. This year, as I instructed my daughter to leave them on the tree so they wouldn’t break, I was grateful for the reminders of my friend.

I was bothered, because over the 4 years I’ve known her, I don’t recall sharing Jesus with her (at least not formally introducing Him). So today, with flowers in one hand and Dassah in the other, I stepped into my friend’s home and sat with her for a few moments. Not knowing exactly what to say, I trusted the Holy Spirit to give me the words and help me be an instrument of love and care. I asked if I could pray with her, and she agreed with a smile. I prayed for peace and comfort and for my friend to accept God’s love and grace. Now, I hope.

I said goodbye to another friend today, Jones, the main character in a book titled The Noticer by Andy Andrews. I highly recommend it to anyone who believes there’s more, who wants to redirect their life path, and who is ready to accept that change starts within by changing and discovering perspective. In the last chapter, a woman explains why her husband chose to be buried with a fork in his hand. Her husband’s mother made the best deserts. After the main course, she would gather the plates and instruct everyone to keep their fork because the best was yet to come. He wanted a fork in his hand as a symbol, because the best was still yet to come. He had hope.

Quote for today taken straight from The Noticer:

“If you are breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive then you are still here, physically, on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on earth to do. If you have not completed what you were put on earth to do…that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived. And if the most important part of your life has not yet been lived…That is your proof of hope.”

What if the most important part of my friend’s life has yet to be lived. What if the most important part of her life is the moment she accepts God’s incredible love for her…

Got roots?

2010-12-23T13:01:00.000-08:00

If you've ever planted a seed or grown anything green, you know that you not only have to start off with nutrient rich soil and water appropriately, but you have to give the seeds something else you probably don't even think about...time. After planting an apple core, it would be foolish to expect to bake a pie with your harvest the very next day.

Take a minute to read Matthew 13:18-23. Notice the phrase "he has no root in himself". Pretty up front, truthful, and hard-to-swallow statement. I don't know about you, but after the busyness of life takes what it "needs", there's not much time left over. The development of roots is not a task to mark off the list, but rather a way of life, a conscious decision to make room for, to make time for. So, ask yourself these questions with me, but don't just ask them. Answer them for yourself. Do I make room to plant God's word deep in the soil of my heart? Is my interaction with the Living Water consistent to sustain, to thrive? And do I stop, reflect, and rest and give the roots I plant time to develop?

Slimy Life?

2010-11-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Reading Matthew 7 about asking, seeking, & knocking on "doors" made me question something. Most of us have heard this verse read in terms of a promise when we're wanting or needing something to happen, an answer. But do we actually take the verbs to heart. Sometimes it seems like I'm just sitting here waiting...waiting for a sign, a nudge in any direction, or maybe I'm hoping someone else will tell me what I should do. In the middle of my prolonged stillness (otherwise referred to as stagnancy) am I actually asking? Am I really seeking and pursuing Jesus? Am I even in position to notice "doors" or opportunities? Or is my head down, too busy and wrapped up in my world?

So I checked out the definition of stagnant...yuck! Not only does it bring pictures of our slimy green pond in Fox, AR to my mind, but it's alarming to think that might describe me. Words like not flowing or running, stale or foul from standing, inactive, sluggish, dull, lack of development, advancement or progressive movement are not what I want my life to look like.

What if Jesus is waiting for me to ask my questions and truly seek Him and not an "answer" and waiting for me to look around and go knock on some "doors"?
Jesus, make my life a riverbed that flows with Living Water, that brings clarity to murky places and life to all who are touched by the splashes. Wash my eyes to see the doors of opportunity around me and the courage to knock on them. Help me run after You with a life full of steps in Your footprints.

Be Perfect

2010-11-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Be Perfect
What the heck?! Here I am, trying to accept my imperfections and here Jesus goes asking me to be perfect! At first glance this verse seems pretty messed up. No way that instruction came from Jesus, right? For the most of part, as humans we accept that perfection is unattainable, impossible, out of the question and even label it as an unhealthy expectation that leads to depression, eating disorders, self mutilation, etc. However, I don’t think that’s what Jesus meant when he said in Matthew 5:48 “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Thankfully verses in the Bible weren’t meant to stand alone. If you read the preceding scriptures, He’s instructing us to rethink what we’ve been told and what our natural tendencies drive us to rationalize. Instead of loving your neighbor (like-minded, good-hearted friends) and hating your enemies, love those people in your life you don’t get along with, don’t agree with, annoy you, snub you, or seek out to harm what you hold dear. Don’t just love them, but pray for them. God makes the sun rise on evil people and good people, sends rain on the just and the unjust. In other words, I think He’s telling us that He chooses to love regardless, chooses to give generously regardless, and expects us to have the same heart.
Love those who love you, greet only your friends or people who are like you…doesn’t everyone do that, even those evil enemies?
Sounds like a pretty tall order. It’s beautiful…yet another creative way Jesus chose to communicate what our hearts, actions, and lives will look like when we’re following His.

Slow...Children At Play

2010-02-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

As you can see...our one & only child is definitely at play as she discovers something new in her big world every day!

Now for a peek inside one of the many lessons this slow child is learning as she puts one foot in front of the other on this hike of life.

Dustin, Jarod, Sarah, me & Cat on our memory hike

before Jarod & Sarah head to Rwanda for 2 years.

As big as the world seems to Dassah, this planet we inhabit gets smaller to me everyday. Don't get me wrong, I realize the significance of souls, and the wonder of Creation still has me standing with my jaw hanging, but I'm reading a book called Crazy Love that has me feeling goofy for thinking my world/schedule/my little scene in the movie of life is more important than the moment I've been given right now to love and interact with my God and the people He's placed in my path.

Until recently, being considerate was a quality I simply took for granted that I most obviously had - after all I am a Christ follower bursting with the juicy fruits of the Spirit, right? Not so much...

After 10 days of depriving my body of caffeine and sugar (and a heart to heart discussion with my best friend/husband), my heart and eyes were opened to how selfish and incredibly inconsiderate I've become. Consumed with what I though was important, my schedule, trying to fit everything in while being a super mom and supportive wife - what I thought I was doing for others was really for me. So here goes yet another journey...less of Nat, squeezing God's hand even tighter as He shows me the next step and the sweet Holy Spirit helps me live and love in every moment. Grateful for a amazing grace and an honest, patient, loving husband.

D-Day

2009-11-03T05:25:00.000-08:00

Dassah will be 3 months old in 2 days. Her personality is bubbling over, as is her spit she's learned she can blow bubbles with! Smiles, grins, laughs, grunts, coos, tiny shrieks, the occasional pouty lip & whimper-name your expression, she does it, the little drama queen. She's mastering the art of visual focusing & loves watching people & looking at things. She's beginning to grab onto toys...and my hair! Her Papi bought her a jumper-she loves dancing & spinning around...even though she's not quite the 4+ months it says on the box. I think Steve's brain goes something like this, "Whoever chose the recommended age for toys obviously didn't have an advanced child such as ours!" :)

7, 8, even 9 hours of solid sleep have become the welcomed norm as she settles into a routine.
Speaking of routine...Mommy's back to work! I love my job-Arkansas Children's Hospital, the OR team, my patients & families-I'm grateful for the opportunities to shed a little light, loving & caring for people with the love of Christ while helping to provide for our family at the same time. Three 12hr shifts. Those 3 days are challenging, but I count myself so blessed to be able to spend the other 4 with my family. With this change comes early mornings, late evenings, trips to & from Ms. Carol's (D's oh-so-fabulous sitter/nanny for whom we're so incredibly grateful), and Papi becomes Mr. Mom 1/2 the time! Steve has been an amazing help to me, making this transition a smooth and pleasant one. In the process, I think they've fallen even more in love with each other as they spend more time together. He's one super proud & super awesome Papi, and he keeps getting better & better. I love watching him with Dassah-if that's only a fraction of what our Heavenly Father looks like when He's thinks about, watches, & spends time with us...wow, His love is beautiful.

Here are a few pics of Dassah's Dedication on October 11th.

L to R: Proud Papi & Mommy, Pastor Rod, Dassah, Aunt Cat (sis-in-law whom I consider my sis), Nana & Papa (my parents Dwight & Pam), God-Grandmother Wilma DeFoggi, Ninny (Cindy Loy), Aunt Lissa (my sis), & Uncle Dustin (my bro).

As I thought about this day-the ceremony, the dress, the act of publicly presenting her to God in prayer-I knew I didn't want this to be something we did just because it's just what you do when you have a baby. I realized this was one tiny day in the life of dedicating our daughter to Christ. "To set apart" and "devote wholly & earnestly to" are a couple definitions you'll find if you look up the word dedicate. It's kind of where Dassah got her name: Esther's story captured me years ago along with the concept that we're here "for such a time as this". Hadassah (Esther's Hebrew name) was set apart for a purpose, and she remained devoted to her God to carry out that purpose. Dassah RayAnn was dedicated to God before she was ever conceived. As Steve & I prayed and hoped to add to our family, it was no question that if God chose to give us a child we would wholeheartedly give him or her back to Him. The miracle happened, she happened, and here we are one year after the journey began. Steve & I are completely honored & humbled to have been given the gift of parenting, yet we understand that this beautiful little miracle of life comes with great responsibility. Right now the decisions may not seem too tough: Is it too soon to put her in the nursery? (Her 1st Sunday in the nursery went great!) Which diaper rash cream should I use?.Should I put her on a schedule? Does the reaction to the vaccine outweigh the benefit?...and the list goes on, but in every stage of parenthood there will be questions to ask & decisions to make. I humbly admit I need God's wisdom & the Holy Spirit's guidance for every one of them! Every moment of her life, I choose to wholly devote her to God. I choose to relinquish my imaginary reigns of control and trust the very One who gave her life. Every moment of my life I hope to live in dedication to my God-to be set apart for the purpose He gave me, for every facet of my being-big and small-to be wholly devoted to Him. D-Day is every day...one day at a time.

London Fog

2009-09-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

If you walked into my daughters room, you'd find this book on the nightstand next to the rocking chair: Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I've had the book a long time, just never taken the time to read it. The title itself reveals a bit about the personality of the reader who would pick up the book. Describe the actions of Martha the day Jesus came to visit and you've got me pegged (and so many of us these days). Rather than stop to realize that the Savior of the world has come to visit your house, you stress out about all that "needs" to be done and spend the majority of the precious moments doing things for Jesus, not being with Him. Our anxious hearts and minds and ugly worry warts get the best of us.

A recent chapter brought a simple, but powerful truth to light for me. This particular chapter primarily focuses on worry/anxiety and why the Bible is so firm on why we should steer clear of it. It makes a great point - worry fixes our eyes on our situation rather than on our Savior. I've never thought twice about fog other than I hate driving in it. I clinch the steering wheel and strain my already weak eyes, anticipating that a deer, dog, or fellow automobile will emerge with no time for me to react. However, worry is much like a fog over our spiritual eyes and mind. According to the book, scientists say that "a fog bank a hundred feet deep and covering seven city blocks is composed of less than one glass of water. Divided into billions of droplets, it hasn't much substance. Yet it has the power to bring an entire city to a standstill."

Pretty crazy, huh? Think about a situation you've worried about or an issue that's been a source of much anxiety. Was it something that may never happen, something in the past you have no way of changing, or was it something you can actually change? Did you feel like it brought your world to a standstill? Next time worry fogs your mind and anxiety consumes your heart, think of London fog and focus on the facts. Our God is big. Our God is all powerful. Our God is madly in love with you and desires nothing more than His best for you.

Every book I read is a journey of personal realization and growth - I'm excited about where this one will take me!

Pregnancy=Amazing, Motherhood=Even Better!: Month 1

2009-09-02T17:29:00.001-07:00

In the beginning...sitting in my living room watching Dassah stretch and squirm as she tries to wake up from her evening snooze in her swing. She will be 4 weeks old at 11:05 tonight...wow, how her 1st month has flown! I've decided to break down and write my first blog. So here goes...a glimpse inside my heart and mind, a piece of my life journal!

Life has changed more than we could've prepared for, but been better than we could've hoped for. After hours of labor, when our doctor placed Dassah RayAnn Flores in my arms, everything changed. I was already completely in love with the child growing inside my tummy, but seeing this little person's face, hearing her cry, smelling her smell, and touching her skin goes down as one of the most amazing, humbling, and awe-inspiring moments of my life. She's perfect, a miracle, and there's no doubt her Papi (Steve) and I are completely grateful for this opportunity to know her, love her, and watch her grow. It's true what they say...you realize how much God really loves and cares for us when you look at your baby and realize your love doesn't compare to His.

The past 4 weeks have been filled with mounds of diapers, tons of kisses, late night feedings, lots of laughs, strolls in the neighborhood, Dr. visits, and dialy rock-n-read sessions. The book of Romans, In A Pit With A Lion On a Snowy Day, O For a Thousand Nights to Sleep, and multiple parenting magazines have been on my nightstand. I've loved reading time - it's nice to be forced to stop and take the time to read. Plus, Dassah loves it!

To all my friends and church family, I miss you! I miss your hugs, smiling faces, and encouraging words. Due to the upcoming flu and RSV season, our Dr. has advised us to be very careful and keep her away from church for 2 months. I know - it seems like a long time away and a long time before we can introduce her! However, I'm thankful for all the phone calls and facebook comments, and (although live is much better) I appreciate live streaming from firstnlr.com/live. We look forward to seeing/meeting you all very soon!

I'm doing awesome - healthy, feeling great, and enjoying every moment with my daughter. Being Mommy is so much better when you have the best husband to experience parenthood with. Steve is amazing with Dassah...and he takes pretty good care of me, too! We have so much fun, and went on our 1st post-parenthood date last night!

Fun Dassah Facts:

Born on August 5th at 11:05pm. 6lb 7oz, 19 1/2 in. She's healthy, on track with weight gain, and growing longer and longer...I'm sad she's outgrowing some of her newborn onesies. We wake up hungry a couple times a night, but she's had a couple nights of 4, 5, and even 6 hrs of straight sleep! She had her 1st real bath last night after soiling her diaper, her outfit, and her Steve's jeans! After Steve handed her off to me in the towel, she decide she wanted a second bath...of spit up! So, we proceeded to give her a 2nd real bath. I get to experience most all her spit-up's and poopy diapers, so she's breaking her Papi in well with two spit-ups making it into his mouth along with the poo episode last night! She's a sweet baby, asking only to be fed, changed, and cuddled (what we all want, right?) I'll let you decide who she looks like...I'm thinking it's pretty obvious :)